I’m always laughing at how my mother tends to worry all the time, but I see that I have not fallen that far from the tree. Planning a trip home to Israel, I’ve been a bundle of anxiety, and why?
My human nature says: I want to feel I’m in control. There are so many what ifs, so many details I’d like to have sorted out in advance but haven’t been able to, so many things that could go wrong…
but isn’t that true all the time? It’s just that most of the time I’m not conscious of the things that could go wrong. Most of us most of the time ignore much of the uncertainty of life – what if I go out and get hit by a bus, what if something bad happens to my husband, or to someone in my family, or to one of my close friends? what if a war starts tomorrow? what if our house is broken into? what if… it would be impossible to cope if we went around thinking about these things all the time, so most of us most of the time put it all to the back of our minds. It’s when there’s a crisis, or you’re going on some kind of adventure, that you suddenly see a whole load of reasons for concern, and that illusion of “I’m in control” disappears. Hence: anxiety.
but I know that God is faithful. I’m just a lot more comfortable when I’m not having to be so conscious of my need to rely on his faithfulness.