Being creative sucks

Well, it sucks some of the time. Other times it’s fabulous. When it’s fab, it’s seriously fab. Totally worth it. But oh, does it sometimes suck…

What brought this on, you ask. What brought this on is that I set up my new space for posting my photos and digital art, full of excitement and ready to rock the world with my fabulous creations. I chose a theme, gave it a name and a tagline, posted one photo that I’d taken that day and was really in love with, then wrote my about page and then… then came the huge self consciousness, the doubts, the who am I kidding and who do I think I am and then, a new experience (new to me at least) which I’m going to call shutter block. Walking to church from my car this evening, seeing things that I felt like shooting, I suddenly felt scared and shy and like now that I’ve said all that stuff about myself, introduced myself to the world out there as someone who feels her photos are worth sharing, set up this sleek new space for them and all that, now I can’t just take photos for the heck of it, I have to take photos that are worth all that hype.

which is nonsense, of course, because the only way I’ll get good shots, ones that can live up to that hype, is by continuing to do what I’ve been doing: taking the shots that I feel like taking, trying different things, making mistakes and learning from them, taking bad shots and medium shots and reasonable shots and now and again getting one that is better than the rest. practising. experimenting. learning.

also, one of the things I’ve already learned is that even rubbish shots can sometimes be turned into something fabulous. because who said I have to try and show what was actually there? it’s actually with really rubbish shots that I can bring myself more easily to do crazy editing and turn them into something that looks like an abstract painting, because I don’t care about the image as a photo.

and it’s not that I haven’t been daring to share these things online – on Google+ I post a lot, but somehow that feels much less scary than on a blog that I’ve set up for my photos and digital art, a space that I’ve named and made nice and special and where I feel more choosy, more selective about which images I’m going to share there. I feel I want to maintain some sort of standard there, whereas on Google+ I post anything and everything – I behave much more spontaneously there.

I was thinking something similar about blogging – I post here only once in a while, only when I have something to say that I feel is blog-worthy, and even then I sometimes start a post and leave it in draft for ages and in some cases they just stay in draft forever. Whereas on Google+ I feel more relaxed and just say whatever comes to mind, without dithering and wondering: is it worth bothering people with this?

So if you follow my blog and don’t follow me on G+, you won’t know what’s going on in my life, because that just isn’t the way I use this space. I know there are people who do – people who blog more personal journal style, sharing their day to day life. I’m not really sure why, but I don’t feel drawn to using a blog that way – for me, my blog is a place for sharing deeper stuff, whereas on G+ I sort of prattle… I do post serious thoughts there too, and photos, and… whatever – whatever comes to mind, without the hesitation I’d feel if I thought of posting it here. without the selectivity. without pausing and wondering what title to give my post…

I think that’s part of the reason. I think Google were very very wise when they set up G+ so that you don’t have to give your post a title. It encourages more spontaneous behaviour. (And maybe this is why they don’t provide a “save as draft” feature? I’ve grumbled about that, but now I’m thinking maybe that’s deliberate, so that people will be more likely to hit the button and post what they’ve just typed, rather than saving as draft with the intention of editing later… I know what happens to lots of my drafts here on WordPress… They gather virtual dust forever.)

Of course another reason that I post with greater abandon on G+ is that I have more people reading my posts there and I get lots more interaction. Here on WordPress I hardly get comments. On G+ all I have to post is the word “cheese” and a whole crazy conversation ensues. I guess it’s just a different atmosphere.

Or maybe I should try that here too: cheese. :)

9 thoughts on “Being creative sucks

    • Thank you! It’s funny, I remember you saying that recently – about struggling with self promotion – and at the time I thought: I’m better at it than I used to be… but evidently I’m still not immune to these struggles… (What I decided to do with the Meanderings thing is to force myself to post one image every day. A self-imposed deadline, to make it part of my daily routine so that I will hopefully dither a bit less, and also get used to it, turn it into a habit.)

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      • It’s nice when it becomes habit. I’m still amazed that I manage daily blogging! With my ‘private’ journal (my Livejournal), I’m at about 3 and a half years of doing it daily. Even if it’s just muttering apologies for lack of things to say, I’m doing it, and it feels good. :)

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          • There’s more activity there than on my public blog, but then, I’ve been established there for 11 and a half years (and made some efforts in recent time to replenish active people to share with/vice versa). So in that, it’s easier than the public blog, which I’m only just managing to work on putting it out there and finding people to engage with!

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          • so a bit more like social networking really? I get the feeling that LJ is like that. (There’s one person I follow there, someone I know from G+. I get the feeling it’s very social.)

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          • A bit like that. Many would argue that LJ is the first social network of the modern era, especially amongst those who are active in communities. Me… I keep up with friends, and enjoy having made a few new ones in the bargain.

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