these two kind of go together really.
oh, but can’t I…
just a little bit…
before I turn to you and say sorry – can’t I be a little bit horrid to people first?
oh, sure, you’re free to do that. [said in very sad tone of voice]
you’re free to
you won’t enjoy it
ah yes, I know. I don’t enjoy it any more. that’s because you’ve been changing me, right?
oh, but they’re hurting me
can’t I hurt them back?
I really feel like
yelling at them
throwing nasty words at them
hurting them back
but I know
you call me to a better way
you challenge me to do more than
just being nice to those who are nice to me
and you’re the one who showed the world what it’s like
to stay loving and gracious even
while people were hurting you
help me to live up to your standards, Lord.
and I’m sorry for the ugliness in my heart
which makes me want to hurt people sometimes
thank you that you have been, slowly but surely, changing me from the inside and that even though there is still ugly stuff in my heart, I no longer take joy in hurting people, in putting them down, cutting them down to size.
and thank you, more than anything, for loving me and dying in my place without waiting for me to become good enough, without demanding that I prove I’m worthy – because, hey, you and I know that I’m not.
thank you, Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, my Messiah, my Redeemer, the Passover Lamb and the Great High Priest.