getting back online: how many have liked my blog post from last night? has anyone noticed it on twitter? did people reply to my question on G+? do people know I exist at all in this big vast universe…
but does it matter? should it matter to me? God himself knows I exist, God himself loves me so much that he sent his only son to die for me, God himself has made it abundantly clear to me that I matter to him – very deeply.
Jesus, lover of my soul – you are all I need. In you I have not just the security of knowing I’m safe for eternity, but also the knowledge that I am significant to you, I matter to you, and I have value. In your eyes, my value is: worth dying for. Which is awesome, literally. It is not a value I could dream of putting on myself. It’s not something I could possibly, remotely, ever deserve. I know the horrible stuff I’m capable of thinking and feeling and doing, I know I’m not all sweetness and light, and – wow, this is where it gets even more awesome – I know that you know. You know me inside out. You know me better than I know myself. Even the darkest bits, the ones I hide from myself because really, who wants to look at that? – even those bits are visible to you. And yet you love me.
Oh Lord, please help me to keep this sense of perspective. Your love – undeserved and so so so amazing – your love is all I need. Let me never look to human beings for extra significance, because no one can add to this super-overflowing-unlimited package deal. When you have more than you could ever need, what can anyone else offer to tempt you with? I have an abundance, riches beyond measure, I have so much, why do I ever get tempted to look to limited fellow humans for more?
I’m sorry, Lord. And I thank you. I thank you that you love me enough to keep forgiving me whenever I stumble, no matter what particular form that stumbling takes. I thank you that you love me enough to keep prodding me to get back on track whenever I need a loving prod. I thank you that, despite all my failings, you love me just as I am.
And I thank you that your love is available to anyone, no matter who they are, where they come from, what kind of sins they’ve committed – your death on the cross was in order to atone for the sins of anyone who believes, and your glorious resurrection speaks of the new life you give to anyone who repents and trusts in you.
Thank you, Jesus. I love you, but only because you first loved me. And your love is – absolutely, totally, utterly, overwhelmingly – enough.