I messed up, and it’s ok. Though it’s not ok.

Yesterday I took the laundry out of the washing machine and was faced with the consequences of my reckless stupidity: I hadn’t checked for tissues in pockets before loading the machine… the carpet ended up a total mess… Then my husband lovingly brought the vaccuum cleaner down and dealt with the mess I’d made, and now there’s no sign of it – as if it never happened!

This was a brilliant visual for me of how God deals with my sins – and it felt very timely because I’d made a pretty big mess earlier, and I needed reminders: yes, my sins are bad and I should do better, but God forgives me each and every one of them! not because of anything I’ve done but because of his love for me and because of what Jesus has done for whoever believes in him: he took the punishment that I deserve, and all I have to do is accept that. Accept that I need it, and accept that he’s done it. Or, as the Bible puts it: repent and believe.

The thing I did yesterday – speaking with a Christian friend about it, I got empathy: oh, I’d have been tempted to do the same thing, she said. Which was nice, but I’m really glad she didn’t stop there. I’m really glad she also affirmed the other part of what I shared with her – when I said yes but I shouldn’t have reacted like that. She understood why I’d got so super annoyed in the situation I was in, but she, like me, believes we have a duty before God to restrain our sinful desires and not act on them.

That’s what I meant when I said it’s ok but also not ok. It’s not ok for me to fly off the handle and behave unlovingly towards someone who annoys me. I’m commanded to love others as I love myself, and I broke that command. I’d really hate it if anyone tried to tell me – as people so often do: hey, it’s ok, I’d have done the same, it’s natural, it’s understandable, don’t be too hard on yourself… No, that’s not what the Bible teaches.

But neither does the Bible recommend that I spend all my days wallowing in how sinful I am and beating myself over the head about it. No: the answer to my sin is Jesus and his sacrifice for me on the cross, when just before dying he said “It is finished”.

This is why I asked to see one of the pastors for a chat today – not for a “how to make up for what I did yesterday”, because that’s been done, once and for all, and not by me! but for advice about how to learn to do better. Because I know my sin grieves God, and I would really really love to learn how to do it less. Because I love God, and loving someone means you don’t want to upset them. Especially as I know what forgiveness of my sins actually cost him!

I know sin is a concept that some people struggle with, I remember a recent conversation where a Jewish friend said she doesn’t even like to hear this word… and I understand. It’s hard to hear this term when you don’t have the assurance, as I have, that your sins are forgiven! because, well, without that assurance, what do you do with all the guilt and discomfort? It’s only because I know Jesus dealt with all my sins on the cross that I can treat this stuff calmly, not falling apart and not wallowing in guilt, not overcome by what a bad person I am – I know I’m a bad person, but Jesus, the one and only Utterly Good Person Ever, died in my place. It’s sorted. It’s dealt with. Or, as Jesus himself put it: it is finished.